I follow Joe De Sena – the guy who built Spartan Race out of a stubborn refusal to let people quit. He sent something to me this morning that had nothing to do with obstacle courses. It was about loneliness. And I couldn’t stop thinking about how perfectly it described what I’m watching happen in our industry right now.
His take: it’s not that people stopped caring – it’s that connection stopped showing up on any spreadsheet that mattered, and somewhere along the way, investing in people stopped being treated like investing in your business.
Sit with that for a second.
The thing nobody talks about at broker meetings
We talk constantly about agent count, split structures, tech stacks, and lead gen costs. We almost never talk about the fact that a lot of people in this industry: agents, MLOs, title reps, home inspectors – are quietly grinding alone.
Not because they want to be. Because the economics pushed them there.
- The lunch you used to grab with your referral partner? Too busy.
- The mastermind group that used to fire everyone up?
- Nobody could agree on a time, so it just faded out.
- Meanwhile the algorithm is right there.
- Always available. Asking nothing of you.
The myth of motivation
Here’s the part Joe said that really landed for me. Ancient monks didn’t wait to feel inspired before they showed up to pray or train. They acted first and let the motivation follow. Motivation is a side effect of movement – not a prerequisite for it. The disciplined don’t wait for the right feeling. They just go.
We do this backwards constantly in this industry. We wait until morale improves to invest in culture. We wait until we have the perfect team to start the mastermind. We wait until things slow down to have the real conversations.
The waiting is the problem.
Your top agent isn’t crushing it because they feel amazing every morning. They prospect on the days they don’t want to. They follow up when the market is frustrating them. The discipline is the thing — the feeling is just a byproduct. Same goes for the relationships that actually build your business long term.
What the hive actually looks like
De Sena talks about earning sister and brotherhood – that belonging to something real requires paying a price most people won’t pay. I think about that when I look at the best brokerages and teams I’ve seen up close.
They don’t wait for an occasion. They make the occasion. The broker who hosts a monthly dinner for their top referral partners – not to pitch anything, just to stay in each other’s lives. The team leader who runs a Saturday workout with whoever shows up. The title rep who actually knows your agents’ kids’ names.
That stuff feels small. It’s not small. It’s the whole game.
Call the agent who went quiet. Host the lunch. Pull your affiliated partners – your title rep, your home warranty contact, your top inspector – into a room for no reason other than to stay connected. Do one hard thing together.
In a world where scrolling is free and showing up costs something, the people who choose to show up are the ones who build something that lasts. A brokerage isn’t a collection of independent contractors sharing a logo. At its best it’s a group of people who would go to bat for each other.
That doesn’t happen by accident. The platform doesn’t matter much: Zoom, phone, coffee shop, doesn’t matter. What kills connection isn’t the medium. It’s when we stop showing up with intention and start just going through the motions.
So what do we actually do with this?
Nothing revolutionary. Just deliberate.
- Text the agent you haven’t talked to in three weeks.
- Schedule the no-agenda lunch.
- Start the group chat that people actually look forward to.
- Do one hard thing together.
- The Spartans didn’t need reminders to stay connected. We apparently do.
Fine. Consider this yours.
If this resonated, pass it along. Someone on your team probably needs to read it. And if you want to talk about how your office is handling culture, connection, and retention right now — my door’s open.
