We’ve all heard the clichés about “grinding” and “hustle” in this industry. But after years in the trenches watching CEOs scale, recruiters hunt, and top-tier MLOs and agents hit their ceilings I’ve discovered that the real barrier to the next level isn’t a lack of effort.
It’s avoidance.
There is a fundamental truth I’ve had to learn the hard way: You can’t deal with what you won’t face.
What We’re Looking Away From
In real estate, we are masters of the “pivot” and the “distraction.” We’re so good at putting out fires that we sometimes ignore the person holding the matches.
Here is what I’ve found: behind every plateau in a brokerage or a personal book of business, there is usually an “unfaceable” truth sitting right in the center of the room.
For the CEO: It’s that one “top producer” who is actually toxic to your culture. You won’t face the hit to your volume if they leave, so you tolerate the rot.
For the Recruiter: It’s the data showing your value proposition has grown stale. It’s easier to blame “the market” than to audit your own pitch.
For the Agent & MLO: It’s the prospecting gap. You’re busy with “admin” because facing the phone feels like facing rejection.
The Cost of the “Shadow”
I’ve noticed that when we don’t face a problem, it doesn’t just sit there. It grows teeth.
An awkward conversation with a staff member that you avoid today becomes a legal headache or a mass exodus six months from now. A flaw in your lead-gen that you’re “too busy” to analyze becomes the reason you’re stressed about your mortgage in Q4.
Avoidance is just a high-interest loan. You get a little peace of mind today, but the balloon payment at the end will break you.
What Happens When You Turn Around
Here is the shift I’ve witnessed: The moment a leader stops squinting and actually looks at the mess, the fear starts to dissipate.
I’ve seen CEOs finally fire the toxic producer and watch their office energy – and retention – skyrocket. I’ve seen agents admit their CRM is a disaster, spend a weekend cleaning it, and find $5M in “lost” pipeline.
The “facing it” part is 90% of the battle. The “dealing with it” part is just a checklist.
My Takeaway
We’re in a business of transparency and contracts, yet we’re often the least transparent with ourselves.
So, here’s my challenge to the high-performers reading this: What is the one thing in your business right now that you are hoping will just “sort itself out”?
Whatever it is, face it this week. Not because it’s easy, but because you can’t lead a team—or a life—that you’re running away from.
I was talking to a colleague recently who was convinced the sky was falling. Between the inventory ups and downs and the latest round of law suits and regulatory headaches, they felt like they were constantly playing defense. It is a familiar feeling in our world. If you have been in real estate, lending, or title for more than five minutes, you know that moment when a challenge stops feeling like a speed bump and starts looking like a brick wall.
The natural instinct is to vent, white-knuckle it, and pray for things to go back to normal. But “normal” is a moving target.
Lately, I have been leaning on a concept from Ryan Holiday’s book, The Obstacle Is the Way. The core idea is simple, but it hits hard: the thing blocking your path isn’t just an annoyance. It is the path.
Shifting the Lens
In our industry, we are constantly navigating high-stakes deals and big personalities. We tend to see obstacles as distractions from our “real” work. Holiday argues (drawing from Stoic philosophy) that our interpretation of the problem is actually the bigger problem.
Look at the market shifts we have survived. When rates jumped, some people pulled the covers over their heads. But the high performers I know? They treated it like a masterclass. They stopped leaning on easy “order-taking” refis and finally mastered the art of the tough conversation. They got creative with financing because they had to. As Holiday puts it:
“The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.”
Recruiting in a Gritty Market
I see this all the time with broker owners and recruiters. When the “top producers” are staying put, you can either complain about a stagnant talent pool or you can innovate. This obstacle forces you to stop selling generic splits and start selling actual culture and better systems.
If it is hard to hire right now, that struggle is just a spotlight. It is showing you exactly where your value proposition is weak or where your training needs a renovation. The difficulty isn’t stopping you; it is showing you where to build.
The Deal Killer (and the Tough Candidate) Are Your Best Teachers
For the MLOs, agents, and recruiters in the trenches: we all have that one “impossible” file. It is the one with the nightmare appraisal or the title issue that feels like a dead end. For a recruiter, it is the candidate who has every reason to stay put or the one who ghosts you at the eleventh hour.
It is easy to call these a waste of time. But looking back at my own career, the “deal killers” and the “ungettable” candidates were my best mentors. They forced me to collaborate with affiliate partners in ways I never had to before. They forced me to solve real business problems instead of just pitching a desk. I did not just get through those messes; I became a better professional because the situation was difficult.
Making it Practical
When you hit that next wall (and we both know it is coming) try to look at it through the three steps Holiday outlines:
Perception: Drop the drama. It is not “bad” that lead flow slowed down; it is just a data point. What is actually happening?
Action: Stop waiting for the perfect time to move. If the front door is locked, find a window. What is the one deliberate step you can take right now?
Will: This is the internal grit. It is accepting the market for what it is and deciding to use this pressure to get stronger.
The Bottom Line
We do not grow when things are easy. We grow when the market or the competition forces us to find a gear we did not know we had. The obstacle isn’t blocking the road; it is the road.
Next time you are feeling stuck, ask yourself: What is this mess trying to teach me that I was too comfortable to learn before?
Source Reference: Holiday, R. (2014). The Obstacle Is the Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumph.Portfolio/Penguin.
It’s Not Over Until You Win – And You Get to Define What Winning Means!
We often hear that big corporations only think about the next three months. But Alphabet, the parent company of Google, just did something that caught my eye. They raised 20 billion dollars through a 100 year bond.
Think about that. A bond that outlasts everyone currently sitting in their boardroom. It is a true vote of confidence that what they are building today is going to matter for a century.
In the real estate world, we have spent the last few years grinding through a flat and honestly frustrating market. Growth hasn’t exactly been falling out of the sky. If you wanted to scale, your only real moves were poaching top talent or trying to squeeze more out of affiliated services like mortgage and title, which brought a whole different set of headaches to the table.
But here is the catch. Most brokers are so busy dealing with the daily drama of the “whirlwind” that they forget to build their own 100 year bond.
Data vs. Drama: Direct from the Chief Economist’s Desk
I spent some time recently with Lawrence Yun, the Chief Economist for the NAR, along with my real estate students and others. While the headlines are busy chasing clicks with doom and gloom, Lawrence and I dug into the actual data moving the needle for 2026.
My biggest takeaway? The inventory shift is happening faster than the media realizes. We are seeing the lowest mortgage rates in three years. On top of that, policy makers are finally looking at capital gains relief for homeowners. That is a move that could remove the financial friction of selling and transform this market overnight.
Here are the three signals you need to watch:
The Lock-In Effect is Cracking: The gap between current rates and those 3 percent “unicorn” rates from a few years ago is finally narrowing. Sellers are starting to feel like they can breathe again.
The 10-Year Treasury Disconnect: There has been a weird spread between the 10-year Treasury and mortgage rates. As that gap shrinks, we are going to see even more downward pressure on rates this year.
The Wealth Gap: The data is undisputed. Americans build long-term wealth by owning real estate, not renting it. Homeownership is still the primary engine for financial security.
Are You Building a Fortress or Just a Utility?
When the market is flat, hesitation is dangerous. We are in a platform transition where gravity accumulates quickly. If you wait until the “perfect” time to fix your internal systems, you might find yourself permanently dependent on the companies that didn’t wait.
History has a great example in John D. Rockefeller. He didn’t just want the oil. He wanted the pipelines and the refineries. He named his company Standard Oil because he wanted to set the standards for the entire industry.
In your brokerage, your “pipelines” are your operating systems.
If you are just providing a desk and a CRM, you are a utility. And utilities get commoditized. To win, you need a framework that helps you decide in the “fog” of 2026. Whether it is the Rockefeller Habits, EOS, or 4DX, you need an operating system that turns your vision into actual traction.
The Survival Logic
Alphabet is willing to endure volatility and skepticism because they know the alternative is worse. They would rather face the temporary pain of a big investment than the permanent disadvantage of being left behind.
We often accuse our industry of living month to month. But when the shift ahead is this big, you have to extend your horizon. The 2026 recovery is going to reward the leaders who secured the rails and defined the standards while everyone else was distracted by the noise.
In a market defined by drama, I am committed to bringing you the signal. Let’s get to work.
PS: If you want to stop guessing and start building, I have two resources ready for you. I can send over a quick summary of the 3 big operating systems (EOS, 4DX, and Rockefeller Habits) or a 5-point “Infrastructure Audit” you can bring straight into your next leadership meeting. Just hit me up and let me know which one you want.
A System Will Produce What A System Will Produce, Nothing Less and Nothing More!
Recently, I posted about the Great Deceleration – that demographic shift coming between 2035 and 2045 where household formation drops to a century-level low. If you missed it, the punchline is simple: the “more people more houses” engine that has powered our industry for 70 years is finally running out of gas.
So, I’ve been thinking: If I’m a real estate investor standing here in 2026, and I can see this cliff coming, what do I actually do about it today?
If the “rising tide” isn’t going to lift all boats anymore, you’ve got to build a better boat. Here is how we pivot from betting on growth to betting on utility.
For decades, the “bread and butter” play was the 3-bedroom suburban starter home. But look at the math: the birth rate is down, and the “Headship Rate” (the Fed’s way of saying “people living alone) is struggling.
The new “starter home” is actually the Senior Downsize. By 2035, every Boomer is 70+. They don’t want to mow three acres anymore, but they aren’t ready for a nursing home.
The Move: Look at 1-2 bedroom “Active Adult” rentals or properties that allow for ADUs (Accessory Dwelling Units). If you own the high-quality, low-maintenance unit in a good neighborhood, you own the highest-demand asset of the 2040s.
2. The Rise of the “Multi-Gen” Floorplan
Affordability isn’t just a “phase”; it’s a structural reality. We are seeing a permanent shift toward families “doubling up.”
The Move: Stop looking for “standard” houses. Start looking for properties with two primary suites, finished basements with separate entrances, or “casitas.”
The Logic: You’re looking for a house that can support two “Consumer Units” (as the BLS calls them) under one roof. These properties will be the most resilient because they allow two incomes to split one mortgage.
3. Follow the “New Americans”
As I mentioned in the last post, by the late 2030s, natural population growth goes negative. That means 100% of your new tenant pool will likely come from immigration.
The Move: Get comfortable with ITIN lending and niche community marketing now. If you don’t have a strategy to serve immigrant communities, you are effectively opting out of the only growth segment left in the market.
4. Transition to “Service-Heavy” Real Estate
In a world with fewer new households, you can’t just buy a house, sit on it, and wait for it to appreciate 10% a year. The “easy money” is gone.
The Move: You have to become a Housing Provider, not just a landlord. Whether that’s mid-term rentals for traveling healthcare workers (who are in high demand as the population ages) or “service-plus” rentals for seniors, the profit will come from the service you provide, not just the dirt you own.
The Bottom Line: Utility Wins
The Great Deceleration isn’t a death sentence for real estate; it’s just the end of the “accidental” profit era. The winners of 2035 will be the people who stop asking, “How many people are moving here?” and start asking, “How are the people already here actually living?”
It’s about Utility over Appreciation. It’s about building for the “Silver Tsunami” and the “Multi-Gen” family.
PS: What’s one property in your portfolio right now that fits a “multi-generational” or “senior downsize” model? If you don’t have one, how could you pivot?
There is no national real estate market in 2026. There are many, and they are local.
The Sun Belt Boom has fragmented. The Coastal Strongholds are resurging. And the notion that a single headline number can describe the U.S. housing landscape has finally met the data that disproves it.
Consider two places that share the same name: Orange County. One is a supply-starved fortress of equity. The other is a cautionary tale of rising carrying costs. Same name, mirrored realities. The sharpest illustration of just how far apart the American housing market has pulled.
1. California: The Supply-Starved Citadel
California remains a powerhouse where a chronic lack of new building permits continues to insulate homeowner equity. Home sales continue to outstrip supply, and the Market Action Index has been climbing for several consecutive weeks, a signal that pricing pressure is building, not easing.
Orange County, CA (The MVP): OC leads the state with a median list price of $1,949,499. Inventory has held steady at around 1,828 homes, while the Market Action Index sits at 45, firmly in strong seller’s market territory. Homes are moving at a median of 49 days, and there is no meaningful relief on the supply side in sight.
The Playbook for Agents: Equity Harvesting. With median rents in OC hovering around $5,500, the conversation with high-equity sellers isn’t about whether to move. It’s about how to port that wealth into their next chapter before inventory tightens further. Show them the math. The window is real, but it isn’t permanent.
2. Florida: The Stasis Zone
Florida is navigating a “Triple Threat” of surging insurance premiums, rising HOA fees, and new structural regulations that have effectively ended the quick-flip era. The macro story is still attractive, weather, tax structure, quality of life, but the investment calculus has changed.
Orange County, FL (The Mirror): Here is where the OC comparison becomes instructive. While its California namesake sits at a Market Action Index of 45, OC Florida registers a 34, neutral and drifting. Inventory holds at 3,053 homes, and the median days on market has stretched to 84. Most telling: 40% of active listings have already taken a price reduction. This is not a market in freefall, but it is a market that has lost its momentum.
The Playbook for Investors: Know Your Carry Costs. Price reductions are a lagging indicator. The real risk in OC Florida right now is the spread between acquisition cost and total carrying cost once insurance, HOA, and debt service are calculated. Target properties where that math is transparent and predictable. Avoid anything with deferred structural exposure.
3. Texas: The Builder’s Battlefield
Texas has shifted into a buyer’s buffet, and the scale of it deserves a moment of context. Statewide inventory currently sits at 118,382 units. To put that in perspective, California, a state with roughly the same population, has 40,958 units available. Texas has nearly three times the inventory in a market where the median list price has stalled at $360,000 and homes are sitting for a median of 98 days. The Market Action Index of 31 reflects a market that is technically still in slight seller’s territory but feels nothing like one.
The pressure valve here is the builders themselves. Facing standing inventory and softening demand, major homebuilders are offering rate buy-downs that push effective mortgage rates into the 5.5% range, a level that changes the affordability calculus meaningfully for first-time buyers.
The Playbook for Buyers: Negotiate Everything. With a MAI of 31 and prices flat for several weeks, buyers have genuine leverage, something rare in the post-2020 market. Use the inventory depth to negotiate on price, rate buy-downs, closing costs, and upgrades simultaneously. Builders are motivated. Meet them there.
4. NY Tri-State: The RTO Renaissance
A year ago, the conventional wisdom was that remote work had permanently repriced the calculus of proximity to New York City. That thesis is being stress-tested. As corporate return-to-office mandates have solidified, demand for commutable suburban inventory has surged, and the market has responded.
Statewide inventory sits at a critically low 13,811 units. The median list price is $625,000, and the Market Action Index of 38 reflects a persistent seller’s advantage that has been strengthening for several consecutive weeks. Nearly 50% of homes in the NY Metro sold above asking price in the past year. This is not a market in recovery. It is a market in acceleration.
The Playbook for Agents: Speed Is the Product. At current inventory levels, well-priced properties are not sitting. The agent who builds a pre-market pipeline, connecting motivated sellers with pre-approved buyers before a listing goes live, will outperform the one waiting for the MLS to do the work. In this environment, preparation is the competitive advantage.
2026 Market Intelligence Snapshot
Data verified against Altos Research Real-Time Reports
Market
MAI
Median List Price
Inventory
Median Days on Market
Price Trend
Orange County, CA
45 / Strong Seller
$1,949,499
1,828
49
🟢 Rising
Orange County, FL
34 / Slight Seller
$568,900
3,053
84
🟡 Flat
California (State)
41 / Slight Seller
$749,000
40,958
70
🟢 Rising
Florida (State)
31 / Slight Seller
$490,000
93,425
91
🔴 Softening
Texas (State)
31 / Slight Seller
$360,000
118,382
98
🔴 Softening
New York (State)
38 / Slight Seller
$625,000
13,811
91
🟢 Rising
The “Tariff Tax” on New Construction
Every market, regardless of temperature, is absorbing the same upstream shock: tariffs on lumber and steel are raising the floor on new construction costs, and those costs are being passed through.
The National Association of Home Builders estimates that recent tariff actions have added approximately $10,900 to the cost of a typical new single-family home nationally. Broader industry studies push that figure higher, with some estimates landing between $17,000 and $22,000 in added costs for average new construction.
The regional variance is where it gets striking. One California-specific study found that tariffs could add over $68,000 to the cost of a baseline new home in the state. In a market where the median list price is already $749,000, that represents roughly 9% of median value added before a single buyer negotiation takes place. It is the hidden floor beneath an already elevated market, and it is one reason why existing home values in supply-constrained markets remain structurally protected even as transaction volume stays compressed.
Bottom Line: Geography Is Destiny
In 2026, the national headline is a fiction. The agent or investor still reading national averages is navigating with the wrong map.
If you are in the Northeast or Orange County California, you are competing for scarce inventory in a market where equity is compounding and speed wins. If you are in Texas or Central Florida, you are operating in a war of incentives, standing inventory, and careful carry-cost math.
The professional who masters their local reality, who can explain the Market Action Index, the tariff pass-through, and the specific dynamics of their ZIP code in a client conversation, will outperform the one waiting for the national narrative to simplify itself.
It won’t. Learn your market.
Data sourced from Altos Research Real-Time Market Reports and National Association of Home Builders (NAHB) tariff impact analysis.
I spent time recently with Lawrence Yun, Chief Economist for the National Association of Realtors, along with my undergraduate and graduate real estate students. While the headlines are busy chasing clicks, Lawrence and I dug into the actual data moving the needle for 2026.
My biggest takeaway? The inventory shift is happening faster than the media realizes.
We are currently seeing the lowest mortgage rates in three years, and policy makers are finally considering significant capital gains relief for homeowners – a move that could transform the market by removing the financial friction of selling.
Here are the three “Signals” you need to know:
The “Lock-In” Effect is Cracking: The spread between current market rates and those “unicorn” rates of 2021 is finally narrowing. Sellers no longer feel “trapped” by their 3% mortgages, which is expected to unlock a massive wave of pent-up inventory.
The 10-Year Treasury Disconnect: While inflation is stabilizing, the spread between the 10-year Treasury and mortgage rates is still wider than the historical average. As this gap continues to shrink, we anticipate even more downward pressure on mortgage rates throughout the year.
The Wealth Gap: The data remains undisputed—Americans build long-term wealth by owning real estate, not renting it. Homeownership remains the primary engine for middle-class financial security.
In a market defined by noise, I’m committed to bringing my clients and students the signal.
I’ve had a number of calls lately with clients who feel like they are caught in a “bad luck” streak. Between deals falling through at the eleventh hour and a sudden lack of momentum, I can hear it in their voices: the mindset is ripe for a tanking.
When the scoreboard isn’t reflecting your effort, the natural human instinct is to pull back. We want to protect ourselves. We hunker down and over-analyze every mistake, trying to “think” our way back into a winning streak.
But here is the truth about the real estate and lending business: Luck is a volume game.
Stop Over-Analyzing, Start Moving
You cannot think your way out of a slump. You have to work your way out of it. Activity isn’t just about hitting a raw number on a spreadsheet; it is the only way to break a cycle of stagnation. While strategy is the blueprint, activity is the engine.
When you lean into activity during the hard times, you aren’t just “staying busy” – you are generating the data and friction necessary to sharpen your skills.
Reframing the “Bad Luck”
To win the mindset game, you have to change how you view the struggle:
“Bad Luck” is just Data: It’s a signal that you are in the middle of a cycle. Statistics dictate that if you keep moving, the numbers will eventually swing back in your favor.
Failed Deals are Real-World Friction: Every deal that falls through is a masterclass in closing. It’s the friction that sharpens your edge for the next one.
The Struggle is Muscle Soreness: In the gym, soreness is proof of growth. In business, the “uphill” feeling is proof that you are building the capacity for a higher level of success.
Force the Luck to Change
The “Best Practice” targets we aim for – whether it’s high appointment rates or closing ratios – aren’t reserved for the lucky. They are reserved for the persistent.
Don’t wait for your luck to change before you decide to increase your activity. You must increase your activity to force the luck to change. Luck isn’t something that happens to you; it’s something you create by increasing your surface area for opportunity.
The Challenge: Be Like Water
As Bruce Lee famously said, “Be like water.” When water hits an obstacle, it doesn’t stop. It doesn’t get frustrated. It flows around it, finds a new path, and keeps moving toward its goal.
The breakthrough you are looking for – that next recruit, that next loan, that next listing – is usually just one “touch” away.
I wanted to share something a little more personal today. I follow an Instagram account called psychologyposts_, and every so often, a concept hits me right when I need it. Lately, I’ve been trying to lean into a specific idea they shared about what to do when you wake up feeling “heavy” or directionless.
With our family trip to Japan coming up this summer – we’re stopping there on our way to visit family in the Philippines – I’ve been especially curious about Japanese perspectives on work and life.
Consider this: In our world of real estate, learning, lending, and services, we’re told that if we aren’t “grinding,” we’ve lost our motivation. But this concept suggests we haven’t lost our drive at all; we’ve just lost our meaning.
Here is what I’ve been trying to practice to restore that drive in about 72 hours:
1. Finding Meaning in the Specific (Ikki no Mei)
I’ve been trying to move away from the “Big Why” for a moment. On a tough Tuesday, a massive life purpose feels too heavy to carry.
The Japanese concept of Ikki no Mei teaches that meaning isn’t big; it’s specific. It’s one small, tangible reason to move. Lately, for me, that looks like:
That first perfect cup of coffee in the morning.
Watching the sunrise or sunset before the emails get in the way.
Texting a friend or a partner just to check in.
A quiet, small walk.
The brain can’t wake up for a vague life; it needs a specific reason to move.
2. Shifting from “Me” to “Useful”
It’s easy to get stuck in our own heads:
“Am I hitting my recruitment goals? Is my volume where it needs to be?”
In Japan, they don’t tell children to just “find their purpose.” They tell them: “Find who you can be useful to today.” I’ve found that when I shift my focus from my own ego to being a resource for a past client, a referral partner, or a stranger, the “empty” feeling disappears. Meaning grows through connection.
3. Clearing the Feed (Shiko no Seiri)
I’m realizing more and more that my “feed” trains my brain.
If I scroll drama – my mind stays reactive.
If I choose useful ideas – I actually start to grow.
By practicing Shiko no Seiri (the practice of clearing the mind), I’m trying to help my brain relearn what depth feels like. It stops craving the “noise” and starts searching for growth again.
4. Nurturing the Garden
I’ve had to remind myself that meaning is cultivated, not discovered. You don’t “find” it like a lost set of keys; you nurture it daily. You don’t wake up to purpose; you wake up to routine, contribution, and presence. Then, purpose finds you.
My Takeaway
If your mornings have felt heavy lately, maybe stop searching for a grand life mission. Instead, give your nervous system just three things: one ritual, one person, and one moment to look forward to.
Meaning might not be a destination – it just could be what makes you feel alive today.
A System Will Produce What A System Will Produce, Nothing Less and Nothing More!
We’ve all been there. You sit down at your desk, open the CRM, and the list is staring back at you: past clients, recruiting prospects, and referral partners. These are the people who actually drive your business.
But then, that little voice creeps in. “I know I should make these follow-up calls today… but maybe I’ll just tweak my listing presentation graphics instead. Or maybe I’ll reorganize my folders.”
The graphics are shiny. The graphics feel like “progress.” But let’s be real – the graphics aren’t what pays the bills. The connection is.
Success in real estate – whether you’re running a brokerage, recruiting top talent, or closing MLO deals – isn’t found in a revolutionary “hack.” It’s found in the fundamentals. You know them, I know them, and our competitors know them. The difference? Most people find the fundamentals too boring to practice routinely. We chase the “finite” win, but the real game is much bigger than that.
Stop Trying to “Finish” the Game
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how work is endless. Exercise is endless. Parenting, marriage, investing, and leadership? All endless.
In our industry, we are often obsessed with “The Close.” We treat the transaction or the new hire like a finish line. But if you approach an endless game with a finite mindset, you’re going to burn out.
The objective isn’t to be “done” with your lead gen or “finished” with follow-through. The objective is to settle into a sustainable daily lifestyle that allows you to make incremental progress on the areas that matter.
The Shift: From Task to Practice
If you’re feeling the weight of the “endless” nature of follow-up, try shifting your perspective:
Embrace the Mundane: The highest-performing agents and recruiters aren’t necessarily more talented; they are just better at being “bored.” They’ve accepted that the daily ritual of outreach is the price of entry for an extraordinary life.
Sustainability over Intensity: You can’t sprint a marathon. Instead of a massive recruiting push once a quarter, find a rhythm of three meaningful follow-up calls a day that you can maintain for a decade.
Enjoy the Practice: Since the work is never truly “finished,” look for ways to enjoy the daily practice. Find the joy in the conversation, the nuance in the relationship, and the satisfaction in the routine.
The Bottom Line
Don’t get distracted by the “new and shiny” because you’re tired of the “basic.” Your past clients, your prospects, and your partners are waiting to hear from you. The basics are where the legacy is built.
Let’s stop trying to reach the end and start mastering the middle.
You’ve felt it. The cashier who won’t make eye contact. The family group chat that’s gone silent after someone shared the “wrong” article. The coworker who used to chat by the coffee maker now just nods and walks past.
It’s not just that people disagree anymore. It’s that we’ve stopped knowing how to be around each other at all.
You can’t win your day if the world around you feels like it’s falling apart. Here’s some ideas to create enough stability to actually function.
David Brooks recently wrote about philosopher Alasdair MacIntyre’s diagnosis of our fractured culture: we’ve lost any shared sense of what makes a good person or a good life. You don’t need a philosophy degree to see this. You just need to look at your own street.
Here are four ways to push back against the chaos.
1. Stop chasing “your truth” and start looking for “our good”
When everyone retreats into private truth, we lose the ability to solve anything together. It’s like a neighborhood watch where one person thinks safety means Ring cameras on every porch and another thinks it means sage bundles and good intentions. Nobody’s lying about what makes them feel safe, but nothing actually gets protected because there’s no agreement on what safety even is.
The shift: Stop asking “what feels right to me?” and start asking “what’s actually good for everyone involved?”
The move: Next time there’s a disagreement, don’t open with “well, I feel that…” Open with “what would be fair for all of us here?” You’re looking for common ground, not common feelings.
2. Don’t be the boss or the life coach. Be the neighbor.
We’re drowning in two types of people: The Managers who treat every problem like a productivity issue, and The Therapists who validate your journey but never help you move the couch.
What we actually need are neighbors. People who notice the work that needs doing and just do it.
The shift: Don’t just manage people or affirm them. Show up and do the unglamorous work alongside them.
The move: If the break room sink is full of dishes, don’t send a passive-aggressive email and don’t post an Instagram story about how capitalism has alienated us from communal care. Just wash the damn dishes. Doing the work often does more to restore order than talking about the work.
3. Build thin bridges across the rivalry
Everything feels like a rivalry now. We’ve turned politics, parenting styles, even grocery store choices into team sports. If someone’s on the other team, we assume they’re either stupid or evil.
Here’s the thing: You don’t have to agree with someone to treat them like a human being. You don’t have to pretend their views are harmless. But you also don’t have to treat every political disagreement like a moral emergency that justifies cutting off all contact.
The shift: Judge people by how they treat others in front of you, not just by their stated positions.
The move: Grab coffee with that one neighbor whose bumper stickers make you want to scream. Don’t talk politics. Talk about your kids, your dogs, the best taco spot in town. Remind yourself they’re a three-dimensional person, not a Fox News or MSNBC character.
Important caveat: This doesn’t mean “tolerate bigotry for the sake of civility.” If someone’s views actively dehumanize you or people you love, I’m not obligated to break bread with them. The goal is finding people who disagree with you on policy but still share basic commitments to decency.
4. Fix the 50 feet around you
We spend hours doomscrolling about disasters on the other side of the world while ignoring the fact that the park down the street is covered in trash or the elderly neighbor hasn’t had a visitor in two weeks.
The shift: You can’t fix the whole world, but you can fix your street. Focus on the people you can actually touch and the places you actually walk.
The move: Turn off the news for one weekend. Go outside. Paint the community fence that’s peeling. Host a potluck. Help the kid down the street with their math homework. Introduce two neighbors who don’t know each other yet.
If everyone took care of the 50 feet around them, the world would feel a lot less broken.
You can’t control the culture. But you can control your corner of it.
